I know it's been quite a while since I interacted with anyone on here. I'm not having a very good week. Monday my dad stole $100 from me. Tuesday I found out my roommate is moving back to Iowa, so I won't have a place to live. Wednesday, I worked by myself. Thursday, my mom refused to evacuate her house, and today, when I checked my tumblr, I was greeted with a barrage of the same shit I put up with in high school. Drama drama freaking unnecessary drama.

College

the college bookstore... FREAKING DUMB.
they're out of my math book.
and won't have one 'til freaking thursday.
and i got an assignment on the FIRST DAY!
i think it's time to come back to highschool.
HEY ROWSE.
guess what.
I have to do a "Service Learning Project" for my Intro to Ed class...
Where I basically aid a teacher, and teach one lesson plan...
GUESS WHO I WANT TO BE IN A ROOM WITH FOR 20 HOURS?!
i'll give you a clue,
not ms. henre. :P
IT'S YOU!

hey errrbody.

kayla here. duh.
i just got off of my first day of work. 7 hours... not too shabby.
next week i get 35 hours... :)
i am the 'Dairy Queen'.
xoxo kayla

hey guys.

so... let's look at my life for a sec.

I got a new job.
At dairy queen...

and I have a new boy.
He loves me...

but idk if i'm ready for a relationship...

long time

no talk!

Sorry I suck guys.
I've been technology deprived.
And public places deprived.
Not sleep deprived.
I've been sleeping till noon.
I hope college is this easy. :P

Here's one for you Rowse!

I'm all applied and registered.
I've got my classes all picked out.
And I even got my bill. :/
haha. but I got it figured out.


anyway, i miss and LOVE you all.

xoxo kayla

so... i lied.

When I said that I woudln't write anymore blogs as a senior in high school.

This one is the last one for sure.

I cleaned out my locker.

I turned in my portfolio (which I'm rather proud of).

I changed my facebook status. (that makes everything final, right?)

It's hard to think that it's finally and completely over. :(

Where do we go?

Senior year is quickly coming to a close.
I can't help but freak a little.
My life is actually going to start soon.
Before, I thought this was my life.
Ha. High school? Not. Don't get me wrong.
I've made a lot of great friends.
I've gotten to be involved in some really cool stuff:
Drama club. (Everyone in this club makes my heart happy.)
Band. (I know I hated it, but I love all the Lil bandies.)
Fuel. (I screw up and they still love me.)
Theatre I Class. (If it weren't for this class, I wouldn't have met the great people I did.)
Lunch. (Ha. That whole group of people that sit on that one little bench. :D)
T.E.C. (I know that I probably didn't take everything from it that I could... But I'm glad I was involved.)


I also made some really great friends in high school.

Although I don't still have all of them, they were good to me when I did:

Kristina: My best friend. We get frustrated with each other, but that doesn't change how much we love each other. I'm not trying to be a Matthew(creep) but without her, I probably would be a horrible person right now. You have to know how happy I am that we can just be ourselves with each other. I love crying in your car. If I think of one place I would like to cry... It's with you... in your car. definitely. :D

Marissa: I love my Auntie Rissa. She has so much patience with me. I know I disappoint her a lot, but she still stands by me. For that, I love her sooooo sooooooooo much. Whenever we hang out, even though it's not nearly enough, I smile, unless of course, I'm crying. :D

Anneeta: I am so glad that I met you. You make me smile. I have so much gratitude to Jon for connecting us. And Chad. I don't think we would have been as close if I hadn't been Chad's good luck charm. :D

Jarad: Jarad and I were best friends for most of my Junior year, and the summer between sophomore and Junior year. We were inseparable to the point of people asking where the other person was when we weren't together. When we weren't friends, it was sad, but now we're reconnecting. I hope it's for the best, but even if it's not, I'm happy.

Okay, so I'm probably going to get yelled at for this, but the others:

Jon: Okay, I know that usually, I'm upset about him, and there are still some hard feelings, but honestly, if it weren't for Jon, my Sr. year wouldn't have been nearly as fun. Especially the parts where Kris and I kind of disconnected. I still love him so much, but all I want is for him to be happy. He hadn't been happy for a really long time, and if he's happier without me, then, I can try to be okay with that. Not that it won't hurt, but I'll deal.

Alycia: Ali helped me so much throughout my sophomore year. We really were best friends. She and I went everywhere together. I basically lived with her. I had my own drawer in her dresser and my own toothbrush for her house. If it shows you how much I was with her, I had to replace that toothbrush before I had to buy a new one for my own home. :D

Jordyne: Jordyne and I were best friends from freshman year to sophomore year. I grew to love all of the members of her family, even buddy. HA. Sick. I hated her dumb dog. JK. When Jordyne moved, I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to deal. Although we've grown apart, I love her more than she can know.

Marie: Marie and I weren't best friends for very long, but when we were, we were together everyday, all day, no exaggeration. We played tennis in the rain, ate at subway waaaaay too much, and laughed a whole lot. :D

Autumn... Michael?: Junior year, he spent all of his time with Kristina and me. Every time I eat cheese dip or drink kool aid I think of him. :D The kool aid was bad, but it came after a really funny night. Cheese dip was our thing. We went to El Mezcal all the time. When we were together, it was just fun. That's what I needed. :D We also had Ben and Jerry's nights. And his birthday party=wayyyy fun.

So anyway, I did some great stuff, I met some great people, and I learned a few lessons:

Don't Shoplift: I know this is something that you learn when you're a small youngin... but I think that shoplifting has affected me in the most adverse way possible. I lost all privileges to my best friend, although we find our ways around it, and I wasted my whole year on someone who didn't care as much as I thought he did. If I wouldn't have been shoplifting, I would never have had to stop hanging out with Kristina, and Jon wouldn't have been such a major proponent in my life.

Cherish your loved ones: This year, my sister was removed from my home. I love her dearly. I miss her so much it hurts. Also, there were a few other devastating losses that I endured with friends. Although I didn't know either of the boys that took their own lives, I watched how sad it made people. I don't really know what to say a lot of the time, except for I love you.

Don't give away free stuff at your job: Then, you won't have a job.

If you know you can't deal, don't try: Sometimes, in the situations that require you to choose fight or flight, Flight can be better. Our society teaches us to fight, but it can really screw you up majorly.

Be friggin nice: You'll regret it later if you don't. If you don't have someone to hang out with because you were a bi*ch to everyone, you'll be sad. It could really make you super depressed. :D I'm learning, I know it's late in the game, but I'm learning.

Don't judge: Even though it may seem like you're right at the time, eventually, your feelings might change about a certain situation, and you'll feel like a giant doucher when you're doing the things you used to chastise others for. It's okay to feel a certain way, but don't hate people because they don't feel the same.

I guess this is a farewell blog.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't the last blog I'll ever write, but this is probably the last blog I'll ever write as a senior in high school.
This is a blog farewell to high school.

[[?]]

oxoxo kayla

Poetry

Here's my text collage. I'm pretty happy with it. I think it's pretty. I know it's kind of sad. But that's the word I chose. Sad. I think my favorite word on here is 'bereaved'. It's written in pretty font. And it's italicized. And it's black so it stands out. I'm happy with my text collage poem. I think it was a good plan. :D

I am wayyy behind on blogs...

not really maybe 1 or 2.
And that's only because I cleaned out the dumb ones that didn't matter.
They're like "bulk blogs".
Haha.

Anyway...
How's my life?

idk.

I guess it's getting better.
I'm happier than I have been in a while.
Thanks Kris.

It's weird how when we talk to eachother,
We can just keep eachother from being sad.
College will be so much better.
There won't really be much restriction on how much we talk.
Ha. I sound like a creep a$$ but I'm being serious.
She's like the twin sister I should have been born with.
Even though we get into trouble together...
I think that it's bound to happen.
And we've had our 2 free passes... or expensive... [?]

And I truly regret getting into trouble with her.
Not that it was her fault or my fault.
I think its got to do with the fact that when we're together,
We know we have eachothers backs.
So we feel.... invincible?
Haha.
A lot of good that's done.
:D.
I'm not going to lie though...
someday....
It'll be fun to tell my kids about the crazy sh*t I got into with their auntie Kristina.

I'm so excited!

And see,
I wrote one whole blog without writing about "you know who" (not Lord Voldemort...)
haha.
I'm doing much better!!!

oxoxo kayla. <3

Poetry.

I don't understand why I can't write any poetry.
My whole life, as long as it wasn't assigned to me,
I could write amazing poems.
Now that I'm being graded,
I can't pull anything that is worth anything out of anywhere.

It's a good thing Rowse said I can use an old poem.
Those are good.
Even though they're a bit childish.

IDK.

So, we're down to 11 days and one class period left of school.

It's really eerie.
I'm doing really well at holding it all together though.
I'm surprised I don't cry every morning when I say, "Ohp, 11 days left of school."
I'm rather proud of myself, quite frankly.


:D

Let's start over...

Inquisitive and thoughtful,

She was the challenge he'd been waiting for

A reminder that creativity runs deep, like secrets

Dark eyed dreamers - they were a dangerous pair

"Q" next to "U", scribbled out on paper

They stop

They go

They're done

Go back to the place we knew before

Retrace our steps to the basement door

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile

Like so much time that we spent in the fall

Put color in our cheeks while the air turned cold

Preceding what became our bitter end

Round in circles - let's start over

Round in circles - let's start over

Unanswered questions

Would be the only thing to stop them now

He was the poet, while she was the muse

She had a pen that she knew how to use

A touch of redemption, a hint of elation

A recipe for disaster

Go back to the place we knew before

Retrace our steps to the basement door

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile

Like so much time that we spent in the fall

Put color in our cheeks while the air turned cold

Preceding what became our bitter end

Let this be a lesson to us all

Round in circles - let's start over

Round in circles - let's start over

Round in circles

Round in circles

Round in circles

Round in circles

-Circles by All Time Low

This song kind of describes my life right now...

This Weekend

Was relatively uneventful and kind of boring.
I left the drama lock in early. (Sorry Rowsie...)
So I could sleep on Shane's floor, in his cold closet of an apartment.
And then, Saturday, I was assuming I wouldn't do anything fun.
But Jon's cousin Annee called me.
Crazy right?
I know, I was surprised.
We hung out for like 3 hours.
Things still are a little awkward, but I think it's better-ish.
Annnnnd.... Jon's girlfriend sent me a comment on myspace...
So, things aren't going to be as bad as I thought.
He's the only friend I lost in this situation.
Which I can deal with, since, he just complicated my life.

So then Saturday, Kristina and I were supposed to hang out with Chris Babl...
After she got done babysitting. At like 2:30.

But Chris didn't answer. Buttface.
I was up way too late.

And then Sunday...

Nothing really happened.

I stayed home.

I need to clean my room.

Really bad.
There're straws allllll over...


haha.


xoxo kayla

Everyone should...

follow my friend brooklynn's blog.

http://brooklynnpup-blog.blogspot.com/

Life, Currently

I have a plan.
I'm going to have a BURNING CEREMONY!
For those of you who don't know, I got rid of some extra baggage recently.
One person that I considered to be my best friend screwed me over bad.
It's okay. Someday he'll realize what he did.

Anyway, That day, when he realizes he needs me, I don't want anything to do with him.

So, to make this easier, I'm going to have a burning ceremony.
I know it sounds melodramatic, but I really think I was in love with this boy.
And everything reminds me of him.
I don't want to remember.
It makes it too sad.
Marissa said, "We should have a burning ceremony".
And more than getting rid of everything that reminds me of him,
I'm going to get rid of everything that distracted me from my life.
He was my priority.
I let myself drift from God.
I let my grades slip.
I even skipped school.
And if you know me,
That's not me.
I made him my life.

Now, I'm ready to go back to the friends that never let me go the whole time.
They were here, telling me they loved me, and I shunned them.
I hope they really understand that i appreciate all the patience they've had with me.
It means a lot.

Anyway...
I dearly and sincerely want each of the people in my creative writing class to come to this burning ceremony.

I feel that, as a class, we've bonded so strong.
And I always look forward to seeing each and everyone seventh period.

Even you Michael! =)

And bring your own items.

We'll burn everything that ever screwed us up in life.

I'll go last, so that I can seriously be done.

I'll get information on here later.
Because I really want you to be there!


oxoxo kayla

and don't worry, I'll be alright.

C'mon take a step towards me, So you can figure me out.

Brooklynn and I are friends again.
I'm pretty happy about it.
I think that when I'm in an unhappy mood,
I should just stay away from people that are trying to help me.
I just yell at them.
But.....

I'm happy again.
My life is okay right now.
Although I did cry today.
I had to watch the end of The Boy in Striped Pajamas...


AGAIN.

Why?
Because Matthew, who owns the actual copy we watched wanted to see the end.



Thank you soooo much Matthew.


Angelique had better be okay this weekend.
Or I'll kill Matthew.


I love that dang Tel Asmar.


Anyway, this is my blog before the big weekend.
I don't know for sure if I'll be on here at all, so I thought I'd get it out of the way now.
I bought my prom tickets today, which Jon actually bought, but I transferred his money to Ms. Polak.
Now.... I just need to convince my dad to give me $15 so that I can "buy a prom ticket" but really, I'll pay the $15 fine I have.



Screw My Life.... < toned it down for the younger set!




oxoxo KAYLA

The Boy in Striped Pajamas

So, it's eighth period on Tuesday.
Last period I watched the most heartbreaking movie I've ever seen in my whole life.
I won't tell you how it ends, but it totally made me cry, like a lot.
I can still feel the sadness.
I don't think I could ever watch it again.
It was that freaking sad.

I'm Reallllly Calm

Lately, this rushing feeling that everything will be okay has kind of covered me.
I don't think I've really been doing anything differently.
Except that maybe, I have lately realized that even though I'm best friends with people, that doesn't mean that they always have to hang out with me.
They're allowed to have other friends as much as I only want them to be friends with me.
I sound like a whiny baby, but I like it when people need me, and only me.
Except that seldom happens, especially when you meet people so late in their lives.
I am the exception.
I'm really bad at keeping friends for a long time.
Kristina is the longest friend I've ever had.
We're not even allowed to hang out.
I don't know what happens.
I think I have time management problems.
I can't make time for other friends because I focus on one friend, and don't let go.
That one friend knows what a great friend I am.
The others think I'm a shallow b*&%h.
Oh well, I like this feeling.
I'm just..... mellow.
And I do NOT do drugs.

welp

Today we had a senior class meeting.
It kinda freaked me out.
It showed me how freaking close the end is.
I don't have any real plans about college.
I don't have 7 million dollars for a prom dress.
Or 30 dollars to pay for my tickets.
Or sh*t, 200 to pay for my ticket for disturbing the peace.
Does anyone want to hire me for a moderate price for doing absolutely nothing?
KTHNX!

MY MYSPACE

got hacked. and my fish died. and i have no job. and no money. my mom and dad are fighting... (thought that's why they got a divorce?) my best friend's car died last night. my other best friend is being an a$$ majora. my mom needs to get a job. i'm a shy pee-er.

good news....

i finished a playlist... 125 songs... it's pretty good. there're a couple songs i couldn't find, but i found a lot that i realllllllly love... i don't know how to post it on here though. too bad, it's a good one. maybe on my HACKED myspace?


xoxo kayla

Unemployment

is sad. I don't really know what I am going to do with my life... I really need a job, and I'm used to people just walking up to me and saying, hi, I know a place you can work. "You don't even really need to be interviewed. We know you're qualified." Unfortunately, that's not how life really is.

I saw a commercial today about donating plasma, and I've never been more eager in my life to let someone insert a needle into my arm and take out a part of my blood for money. I still think that maybe, it might be a good idea.

Or I guess I could always turn to prostitution... JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am in the library

typing w. 1 hand b.c brooklynn is sleeping on my arm, with her eyes open. my mom used to call that resting... but then her eyes would close and im pretty sure i would hear her snoring sometimes.

why is everyone so sleepy?

it's ms. henre's fault. about me anyway.

thanks ms. henre.

and i'm not happy about writing this next research paper either. i'm just going to pretend it's not real. that's what i did with the last one, and i think i'm okay... so what the heck.
i'm a senior. i don't need that class to graduate.

all i need is investigating history, and i'm totally solid. i'mma pass that bidness...





xoxo kayla

Tattoos

I am thinking of getting a tattoo. Now that I'm 18, I mean. I think it's a good plan. I don't want to get something that I'm going to regret though. And I don't want to get something that's going to leave a nasty scar if I have to get it removed. I want to somehow incorporate things that are important to my life. Music. Love. Family. Friends. (and if I could find something cute with stars, that would be stellar, get it? stars; stellar? haha. I crack myself up.) Anyway, considering the possibility that after high school, I meet someone that I don't want to kill 24/7, and he wants to marry me, I don't want a huge gaudy tattoo sticking out of my dress. Also, I really want something I won't be embarrased to explain to my grandchildren. If I have something permanantly attached to my skin, until the day I die, I don't want to look at it every day, and say, "Why did I do this?"

HELP!!!

dreary weather...

on tuesday, my friend showed up at my house. we's been having some issues you see. she kind of yelled at me. but then, she gave me a poem i wrote this summer. it was one of the best things she could have done in that situation. it was kind of the kick in the stomache i needed. maybe i'll post it on here later... it really is a good one. not gonna lie.


that is all

xoxo kayla

today...

i am sick of sophomores... there's one that i would love to write a hateful herpe rumor infested blog about, but instead i will just laugh because she has nothing better to do and no friends to spend time with so she has to edit pictures of me to look like my sister.

Let me clear my throat. ugh ugh uhhhhh.

Yesterday, Kristina and Molly and I went to Ricardo's. After we had finished stuffing our faces, i stood, to attach my coat to my body, considering the fact that it is freezing outside, being that i live in nebraska, and it's january. *anyway* i pulled my coat on and must have swung the sleeve to hard. My ice filled cup went a flying toward Kristina's dry leg. LIKE A FRIGGIN NINJA, Kristina deflected that bidness. With her ninja arm, she sent it flying seventeen feet across the restaurant. She spewed ice from my pepsi all over the floor, and i almost peed i was laughing so hard.


that is all.

xoxo kayla

Shorty Was Hot Like A Toaster.

Once upon a time, my dad brought me to Toys R Us. He said, "Kayla, it's your birthday, you can pick out any toy in the whole store." I was like 5 years old and I was pumped. By the end of the day, I had decided on a very large very pink teddy bear. I could sit in it's lap and not be able to reach his nose. I don't think I named him, but don't underestimate the love I felt for this gigantic pink bear. Now, I know what you're thinking, this is the most boring blog you've ever read. The only reason I actually wrote this blog was to say how much i hate my sister. She dumped honey all over his stomache. She said, in her snotty, whiny brat voice, "Winnie the Pooh loves honey, i thought your bear would too."

That is all.